WHITE SUBTITLES AGAINST WHITE CLOUDS
A Review of Europa, Europa

by Ian Klymchuk
President, Lucan Chapter, Philistine Liberation Organization

Benny's got this boss he used to work for, Dave, who thinks he's the greatest thing since indoor plumbing. He blathers way too much about all the boring cultural stuff he does, and he works in an office, so he's the kind of guy who showers before he goes to work instead of afterwards, like us regular guys out on the line.

The other day, Dave was going on and on about this great foreign "flick", as he called it, he had a video of and how we simply had to see it. To be honest, I hate foreign films: they're always filled with misery and agony, and the subtitles are often hard to read. I'd much rather see movies that relax and entertain me, where I don't have to think, and I don't feel bad at the end.

 Anyways, Dave kept insisting that we just had to see this movie, and so finally we agreed to bring the wives over to his place to sip some soda water and white wine, to go gah-gah over his corkscrew collection, and to watch the show.

 It really needed subtitles. It was in German, Polish, Yiddish, and Russian. I guess with all them languages, it made sense it was called Europa, Europa. It was about this young Jewish kid during Hitler's time, who was afraid people'd see he'd been snipped and finger him as Jewish. He had a tough time hiding it, especially when he started getting hot and heavy with this ultra-Nazi girl. He really used his smarts, though, and managed to get out of some pretty sticky situations. He was lucky, too.

 I thought lots of the stuff was made up. I couldn't imagine anyone would get by with all the stunts he pulled. But it turns out he really existed and them things really happened to him. They even had the real guy in the movie at the end.

 Even though I don't usually like foreign films, I gotta say this one was real good. It gave us a different way of looking at being a Jew back then, and yet it had some funny parts, too, to lighten things up a bit. One unusual thing about the show was that it's one of the few films I know of that shows men's "things" but not women's.

 It gave me some new respect for Benny's former boss. Not only was Dave right about the film, but, you see, it turns out he and his parents had gone through some of that stuff over in Poland back then themselves.

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