So Give Three Cheers and One Cheer Less

a review of H.M.S. Pinafore, Avon Theatre, Stratford ON,
continuing through October 18th, 1992.

Benny and me was watching the game on tv the other night, gabbing about the Jays and Expos chances of winning their divisions, when the twins come in and say they've been invited to a party and won't be using their tickets to a show in Stratford the next night, do me and Benny wanna use 'em.

"What?" I sez, "and miss a Jays game on the tube? Just to see a bunch weirdos speak some language I don't understand even though they call it English? Don't you kids know nothin?"

"Don't worry, Dad," they sez. "We already checked the schedule, and it's an off-night for the Jays. And it's a musical, not Shakespeare."

Well I'm remembering how awful I thought Lay Meeze was, and I don't think this is such a great idea. So I try to get out of going by saying, "But them tickets is for students. Me and Benny can't use 'em."

"Sure you can, Dad. they'll just think you're a teacher or a chaperone or in adult education. Lots of grown ups go to these shows."

What a schmuck I was. I shoulda just said I didn't want to go. But, truth be told, I'm glad we went. We had an ok time.

Now don't get me wrong. It's not like I wanna get more snooty culture or nothing. It's just that if I gotta have some, this wasn't a half-bad way of getting it.

The best part was that there was some real good hand-clapping, foot-stomping music at the end. And lots of the lines was funny. And they even showed a little bare bum for the ladies. And they did some real fancy movements with a big Brit flag. And the dancing looked ok.

But tell me this: does this story make any sense? The ship's captain and Ralph (pronounced Rafe for some dumb reason) are switched by their wet nurse when they was babies. Now Rafe is in love with the captain's daughter, and the captain is in love with the broad who was his wet nurse. If I didn't know any better, I'd figure that pervert Woody Allen wrote this show.

But if you forget the story, the show was ok. Benny had just had his hearing checked last month, but like most musicals, we couldn't make out a lot of the words they sung.

Except Rafe. He was real good. And the songs was real catchy, too. Benny especially liked the verses they added to the admiral's song about how any numbskull can make it in Canadian politics.

Halftime was a real hoot. Like always, everyone rushes to the bar to get some white wine to sip, and the kid selling soft drinks looks real lonely. And everyone talks about how good the show is. But me and Benny talk about the Argos and how long is Rocket Ishmail gonna get suspended for kicking in some guy's head.

I guess I'd say this show was like going to some real fancy restaurant when you don't want to but finding out that at least you can get your steak well done if that's the way you want it. And with ketchup. Like I said -- Not half bad.