ANNOUNCING
THE FIRST ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION OF THE
PHILISTINE LIBERATION ORGANZATION

 

Three different locations are being considered to serve you better:

1. The Fantasyland Hotel at West Edmonton Mall. Largest Mall in the universe. At least it used to be. Unfortunately, the indoor Roller Coaster has been closed down for safety reasons, but they still have surfing. Giant fast-food court. Early registrants will have their choice of theme rooms. Polynesian and Roman theme rooms are the most popular, but check out those 1950s theme rooms - the beds are in the backs of pickup trucks!

 

2. Wall Drug, Wall, South Dakota. You can't miss it. There are signs everywhere.
3. The Old Bavarian Inn, Frankenmuth, Michigan. With regular buses to Bronner's "We sell 57 quadzillion Christmas ornaments to tourists every year." Chicken dinners available 24hrs/day.

 

TENTATIVE SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

 

Opening dinner:

Kraft dinner gussied up with ground beef and Hamburger Helper
canned peas
lettuce wedges with Kraft dressing
Sara Lee pound cake

 Invited after-dinner speaker (I said "invited"; I didn't say he'd come):

Dave Barry, "Should the plastic covers be left on new furniture?"

Get-acquainted Dance:

complete with "Hello, my name is _________" name tags.

Music provided by Lawrence Welk videos.

 

 * * * DAY I * * *
   Breakfast:

Eggs "Benedict" from McDonalds, coffee, juice, hashbrowns

 Morning Session I: Plastics

 Morning Session II: Music

 

Lunch:

A smorgasborg of fast foods
[Whoppers, Big Macs, tacos, fries, shakes, soft drinks]
Registrants caught with Lattes or croissants will be expelled.

 

 Afternoon Session I: Textiles and Fabrics

 Afternoon Session II: The Philistine Philosophy

 Beartray.wmf (1764 bytes) Dinner:
  • Pizza comparisons from local establishments.
  • Timed Trials of their delivery services.
  • Grease measurements.
  • The convenience factor debated.
  •  Invited After Dinner Panel: Philistine Reviews

    Joe-Bob Briggs - the social relevance of drive-in movies
    Ian Klymchuk - low-brow put-downs of high-brow events

    Sock Hop: Ballroom I, featuring tapes and disks of sound-alike artists from the 50s

    or

    Polkas: Ballroom II, featuring battling accordions with non-stop music

     

    * * * DAY II * * *

     Breakfast:

    Morning Session I: What is art?

    Morning Session II: Wardrobes

      Lunch:

    Creativity with tuna: tuna casseroles; tuna melts; tuna rolls; tuna-Dorito crunch; and the classic, tuna with lime jello.

     Afternoon Session I: Literature for Philistines

     Afternoon Session II: Entertainment and the Media

     Closing Panel: Philistines and Food

    Registration:

     To register, return this form by Feb 31, along with a cheque for $275, to

    PLO Headquarters

    Box 159

    SSC

    London, Ontario CANADA

    N6A 5C2

    Hotel and Greyhound Bus information will be mailed two weeks after the receipt of your cheque.

     

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